DISCLAIMER

this is a blog bound to be brimming with anger, hurt, bitterness, revenge, hypocrisy, and short-sightedness.

but you will also find clarity and hope here.  you will observe an evolution of heart, and perhaps of mind.

this is where my ego will find therapy...and my heart, healing.  this is where you will find truth, because nothing has ever been more important to me than letting my own truth(s) be known.

at times, you will pity me.  at others, you may delight in the craziness of my private emotional hysteria.  but maybe you will find a moment of resonance here, amidst my rantings and my ravings.  maybe you will see yourself, or someone you know (or knew)...maybe my words will be familiar to your lips, my heartache too.

i cannot use anyone's real name except my own, and i suppose no other obvious details that would give anyone's identity blatantly away.  however, this is the age of ultimate omnipotence, if you know your way around the interwebs.  and, i will be utterly frank:  NOTHING would please me more than for everyone to be able to virtually look Him up, if just to laugh and shake your head (His humiliation would be so delicious, i would eat it with a knife and fork).  so while i cannot give anything away, i will certainly NOT hide my own truthful details, where i see fit to share them here, hell no...

finally, before i embark upon the madness that these virtual pages will surely contain, i want my readers to understand that i fully acknowledge my own flaws, my faulty programming, my bad decisions, my awful behaviors, and my caustic words.  i own it all, all of me.  i take responsibility for my role in the 'process' every step of the way, and i do not seek to shuffle blame off onto everyone else around me.  my hands are dirty, and so is my soul.  scattered between my rage, you will see my self-reproach and my regret.

this is the post crash analysis, where i will spread out all the pieces, identify and categorize them, and make determinations about how it all went down.  where did it go wrong?  who was to blame?  what could have been done to avoid this disaster?  why did it happen in the first place?  the people around me, and even most of you, probably think me insane and sad for thinking that this will give me some peace.  i know you're all right...but i have to know for myself.

so join me on the journey.  reach out to me if you must, to tell me i'm nuts or to tell me that you've been there.  but know that i will not, cannot, avoid this, and i will be here until i've flipped it around and examined it from every side, every nook and cranny.  why?  because i gave You over fifteen years of me -- my heart, my adoration, my spark, my body, my head, my talents, my determination, my soul...every part of me bore Your name, and now that You're gone and doing it all over again to another poor soul, i'm left wondering what part of me was ever mine?  and what drove me to give You permission to take that much control?

no, it is high time MY truth be heard, and you'll find it here...

so, Shirley, give my greetings to the new brunette *wink wink, Doc*