let's talk in law's...

my ex husband's parents are a special kind of evil...

these are people who are concerned only with appearances, with status, and with themselves.  i've never met more superficial, duplicitous people in my life.  they live in a big house on the lake, but it is old and worn.  they have the money to make it really beautiful, but my ex father in law's idea of fixing a hole in the wall after plumbing work is taping the wallpaper back over the hole, and my ex mother in law can't help but compulsively paint every room some shade of blue.  they are dyed in the wool cheapskates, and they are incredibly tacky.  they drive nice cars, and they have a boat, and they take vacations, and generally, they live way beyond their means, but don't want you to know about that...

upon meeting my ex husband's parents, i was immediately struck with how overly saccharine his mom was, as if it were a forced farce.  his dad barely looked in my direction.  they were always polite, but they had a way of staring through me with condescension.  his younger sister was a manufactured brat obsessed with keeping up with her friends at all costs.  i knew i was unlike anyone their son had previously brought home...in fact, i can safely say i was his first real girlfriend, rather than a female friend (of which he had in droves, especially after that kidney rejection and transplant).  

it was not long into our relationship before i found out what my ex father in law, a philanderer himself, thought of me.  see, during our freshman year of college, my ex husband and i had driven to toronto to see a concert, and after refusing to safely spend the night at my parents' home rather than drive the thirty miles back to his house, he predictably crashed his jeep at the foot of his driveway.  he lived, obviously, and i felt horribly and to blame.  my husband thought it a wise idea to share with me the 'lecture' he got from his father, wherein he called me a 'stupid polack' who 'was no good'.  this was an alcoholic irishman from south buffalo, a  gleefully racist man who enjoyed old Amos n Andy reruns and nasty jokes,  who had stacks of horribly demeaning pornography in his basement office,  a man who showered his son's friends with more attention and affection than he did to his own son.  from that point forward, facing my father in law and trying to play nice was excruciating.  i wanted to defend myself, but knew that it would only convince him further of what he had already set his mind to.  i endured his demeaning glances and his refusal to look me in the eye when speaking to me for fifteen years...

it killed me to have to bite my tongue all those years, as i watched them reveal their true selves.  these are people who chastised my husband and i when we opted to take a higher level french class our first year of college -- "Why do a stupid thing like that?!" his mother, the teacher, snapped at us.  "You should be taking the easiest classes you can so that your grades stay up."  i could not believe what i was hearing.  this woman, who had dedicated her career (the few years she actually chose to have a career between raising her brats) to educating and shaping young minds, was trying to convince me that choosing to learn and challenge myself was a 'stupid' idea.  uh huh...

perhaps that is why when it came time for their own daughter to apply to high schools, they had to BUY her way into the private one she so desperately HAD to attend.  all of her more well-to-do friends were going to Nardin Academy, and she just had to be a part of the group.  she was rejected handily.  as a response to her emotional crumbling, her parents went back to the school's administration and had to make a donation to get her reconsidered.  i shit you not.  

or how about the time my ex husband happened to be 'snooping' around his parents' bathroom and he came across a prescription to treat a sexually transmitted disease?  we couldn't determine if it was prescribed to his mother, or his sister (who just began college), but in either case, EWW.  however, looking back on it now, and considering the knowledge i now possess, i would say it was likely meant for his mother.

when i met with my divorce lawyers for the first time, and they inquired as to my story, i found out just how reprehensible my ex father in law really is.  when my legal team heard that this man was actually my father in law, they looked at each other and let out a sympathetic chuckle.  you know why?  it just so happens that my ex father in law is a KNOWN adulterer amongst his peers in the local legal community (and also somewhat of a joke).  so that means, all those years i watched my poor ex mother in law sit on the couch all weekend because my father in law was 'out with clients' or 'traveling for clients', he really was fucking around on her as i suspected.  little boys sure grow up to be their daddies, don't they?

my family, while most certainly not without our own bullshit and flaws, in contrast, treated my ex husband like they birthed him themselves right from the get go.  it was why i pursued him -- he was the first thing i did that they emphatically approved of and adored.  his parents would abandon him each year on his birthday, so that they could vacation.  they would leave him behind because of school or his health, and my family would make sure he had his favorite birthday dinner, a cake, and gifts.  he was loved warmly by my family.  his parents tolerated me like a cold, and made me feel as welcome as one...

my ex husband's family played a huge role in the demise of our marriage, undoubtedly.  i would try to implore my ex husband for some help, some defense, some good words on my behalf, anything.  i was, afterall, his wife.  but Dr. K doesn't roll that way, never has, likely won't ever will.  there was no bond there, no sense of being on the same team or in it together, and it was not for my lack of trying.  he just couldn't stand up for himself...to anyone, let alone his parents.  so how could i expect him to stand up for me in this case?  it is why i stopped going to his family functions altogether, especially after his sister completely marginalized me from her wedding.  i was so happy for her, but my help was not welcomed.  the big fat momma nurse from Children's that my husband clung to, however, she was a huge part of the day.  

that was my last straw.  it was the last time i was going to allow his family to make me feel outside and inferior, especially when it wasn't even close to the truth.  not these hypocritical assholes, no way. i didn't even go to that bitch's wedding...skipped it altogether.  and when i finally showed up an hour into the reception, and had to answer to their fake concerns about 'where were you?', i  simply walked away laughing...

and i'm still laughing.